So I have a problem. See, I’m not gay or anything because I’m married but I like kids; little boys to be exact. I don’t do anything wrong with them or anything I just enjoy taking showers with them and horseplaying around. You know, grabbing their legs and wrestling them when I’m in the shower. Well apparently the authorities, my employer, and my wife say I have to stop doing all this because it’s wrong or something. But I used to do all of this when I was their age! Why can’t I do this with them now that I am a little older?
Curious in State College
I’m glad you wrote me and even though I’m pretty sure your letter is fakety-fake-fake, it’s still hilarious. Bonus points for references to “horseplay”, shower tickling, and “Curious in State College”. I KNOW IT’S YOU MR. SANDUSKY!
Anyway, I took it as an opportunity to do what we here at FPM do best. No, not make people laugh until orange soda comes out of their nose even though they weren’t drinking orange soda in the first place! In case you haven’t noticed, the other goal we have at FPM is to educate. So let me learn errbody somethin’.
This letter is about as legit as porn star pussy, but that didn’t stop me from doing a day’s worth of research about pedophilia and what it is that drives an adult’s sexual desire for children. I googled search terms that will probably land me on some kind of watch list, I read all sorts of clinical evaluations, and I even sat down with a social worker who outlined what in her opinion is the only realistic treatment plan for someone who experiences pedophilic urges.
Generally speaking, there are a few basic conclusions most clinical psychologists have come to regarding pedophilia.
- Pedophilic urges are considered a neurological disorder, but acting on pedophilic urges is a crime. Although the research is still inconclusive, brain scans indicate that in pedophiles there may be a strong link between frontal lobe activity and paraphilias. However, not all individuals who commit crimes against children suffer from paraphilias.
- There is no cure for pedophilia, there is no cure for pedophilia, THERE IS NO CURE FOR PEDOPHILIA. The rate of recidivism is extremely high among pedophiles. Treatment for pedophilic urges involves cognitive behavioral therapy and pharmacological intervention, but because there is NO CURE aside from chemical castration (the jury is still out on whether or not this is even effective) an individual in treatment MUST BE MONITORED.
- TrueFact: Pedophiles don’t all commit sexual offenses. There are documented cases of individuals actively seeking and receiving long term in-patient treatment for paraphilias. Unfortunately these cases are few and far between.
- Pedophiles who intend to victimize children will seek out situations where they have authority over them. The social worker I spoke to yesterday used Boy Scouts, the Catholic Church, and Penn State as specific examples.
- The more overtly homophobic an organization is, the more likely it is to harbor pedophiles. If you don’t believe me, read the last bullet point one more time.
What Captain EditorPants and I have created here at Plucky Charms is a place where folks can talk openly and honestly about sex – no matter how kinky – between consenting adults, but there is a big difference between “I can’t get off without my pink furry handcuffs” and “I can’t get off unless it involves minors/dominating someone physically who is non-consenting/causing someone to suffer”, the latter being things that we here at FPM would never, ever endorse.
If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual urges that fall into the category of “things we don’t endorse” and you would like to seek help before stuff gets out of control, go HERE to find a therapist in your area who can get you started on a treatment program.
If you or someone you know has been the victim of sexual abuse, incest, rape or pedophilia, go HERE to get the help and support you need and to find a counselor in your area.
P.S. Fuck you, Joe Paterno.
The Plucky One