Being a Star Wars fan is sort of like being Catholic except instead of 10% of our incomes, George Lucas gets 2 hours of our lives and a cut of the price of admission every time he re-releases his one of the digitally remastered and forever altered films in what I’m sure must be the most financially successful movie franchise of all time.
I would use Ye Olde Google to find out how much money the entire Star Wars empire has netted George Lucas, but knowing that he continues to rake in oceans of dolla-bills even after turning Darth Vader into the goddamn Snuggle Bear offends my delicate sensibilities. And don’t even get me started on Jar Jar fucking Binks. It’s a good thing he managed to find a place in the New Trilogy to trot out Samuel L. Jackson as the baddest Jedi in the galaxy, otherwise he and I would be completely through.
It’s time once again to put just a little more love and devotion into this rather one-sided relationship and prostrate ourselves at the alter of Industrial Light & Magic because even though Slave Leia > Geonosis Battle Padme, if I sit through all three of the prequels it will help me pass the time until the Original Trilogy comes back to the theater.
Also, the pod race in Episode I is something I absolutely must see in 3D in order to feel like a complete person.
The Plucky One
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